Finding the Silver Lining

I have been very quiet lately and that is because I have been trying to find the right way to write this blog. When I wrote my blog about post partum depression it was very hard and yet easy all at the same time. I showed how vulnerable I truly was and that alone is a very hard thing to do for anyone. The amount of support that poured in absolutely blew me away and I hope that I was able to reach any and all of you who have ever felt alone and know that just because I wrote about it doesn’t mean that I still don’t struggle with it everyday.

 

Along with all the support, came the negative side as well. And while I will dig into that during this blog I want to start at the beginning. The past few years I have become a person that I did not like and I have started to work on myself. As a good friend once told me, I have to make myself happy before my world can be happy. As a psychology major I have told this to countless friends but saying and doing are two different things. It literally knocked the wind right out of me.

 

I have started to slowly make changes to find the happy person that I once was but trust me, it has not always been easy. I have had many hurdles that I have had jump. I have had negative people who I let get into my head that I have had to overcome. I once was told by a close friend that she didn’t like me because everyone likes me. I laughed at the time because it felt like a compliment in a round about way but when I sat down, it hit me harder than I thought.

 

A similar reaction after posting was that if I needed help I should just ask for it. This one also cut me deep. Deep to the fact that even if they saw me drowning, unless I asked for help, they would walk on by. In case anyone is curious, I did ask for help. I asked the one person that I needed the most…my husband. No I didn’t reach out because I didn’t feel comfortable at the time. Yes, most of my family had no idea my struggles were real but at the same time, some did and did nothing about it.

 

One thing that I have learned after 30 years is that I cannot make everyone happy. As they say, you are not everyone’s cup of tea. I have let everyone’s ideas of how I should act mold me into a person that I am not proud of. Listening to everyone analyze your life is hard and trust me, I am just as guilty of that with others. However, I try not to point anything out unless I feel someone is in dangers way.

 

Today, today, I made a promise to myself. I promise that from now on I will only surround myself with those who truly care about my well being. Those who want to be a part of my life, not the ones who just want to keep me around for when they need me. I promise to not take life so seriously and to find the silver lining in everything. I promise to laugh more and cry less (unless I am crying from laughing so hard LOL). I promise to be a better person not just for me but for my little ones. And for anyone who is trying to steal my sunshine for the day, may they get the rain storm while I get the rainbow!

Battling the Seas of Post-Partum Depression

Depression is such an ugly thing. It can show it’s ugly face while you are out eating with your kids or when you are just sitting at home alone. It has no discriminations who it hits and it hits us all differently. When my father died in 2011 I got severely depressed. I drank and cried and drank some more and cried. Kyle and I had just gotten married and that first year was the rockiest year. Lots of things were said in anger and sadness. Kyle slowly helped pull me out of that hole that I had dug myself into and we got back on track.

We dealt with infertility issues, a miscarriage, and we finally got pregnant with Randie. She arrived 5 weeks early and had all sorts of complications. We were in the hospital for 3 weeks with her and finally brought her home on oxygen. We enjoyed our time with the nurses and staff and Randie was the most relaxed baby ever. She almost never wanted to be held, slept through the night at 7 weeks old, and only cried when she was hungry. We were all happy and loving life.

Flash forward 2 years later when we have Aiden. My pregnancy with Aiden was a tough one. I was more sick with him than I was with Randie. Kyle and I were stressed to the max because the mine was doing more lay offs. Nothing like being 3 months pregnant with your second baby and you are scared to death you husband is going to call and say he no longer has a job. I could feel the stress of this pregnancy so much more than I had with Randie and we always thought it was just because we were chasing a 1 year old around at home. When I was 5 months along, we decided it was best that Kyle quit his job (before being fired eventually). He planned to work for his dad and go into real estate. I had to take insurance out which dropped my paychecks drastically as well as pay cut for Kyle who was working full time during the day and studying full time at night. Life in general was exhausting and then throw in a pregnancy where I was exhausted all day. At 34 weeks we found out that Aiden was breach. We were faced with another large decision as to whether try and flip him or to just have a c-section. We opted for the C-Section. Recovery was truly a lot easier with the exceptions of a few things.

This is when things started to go south for me. We went in on a Wednesday to have Aiden and by Friday we were released. We had all of our nursing friends while in the hospital and they all helped us out tremendously with him for the first few days. Then we had to go home by ourselves. Now we had an almost 2 year old (Randie didn't turn 2 until the end of October) and a newborn and an exhausted, hurting mama. I couldn't sleep in my own bed because it felt like all my insides were falling out and Aiden wouldn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time. He always liked to be held and coddled and mostly enjoyed when I would pace in the kitchen. If I tried to put him down he would just scream. Kyle did get up and try to help and luckily we were feeding him formula so I didn't have to worry about nursing.

To say I was exhausted was the understatement of the century. I was trying to potty train our very stubborn 2 year old who had no interest, I was trying to keep the house put together, all while trying to entertain a 2 week old because he wouldn't let me put him down. I could barely go to the bathroom without him screaming (you know you are a mom when you have had to use the bathroom while holding a baby because there is just no other way!).

Kyle would get home from work and I would immediately head out the door to go walk around Wal-Mart for hours. I couldn't escape it. I can vividly remember going through the McDonalds line one day just bawling and telling myself that maybe he is just colicky and that things will get better as he gets older. We tried changing his formula (thought he was getting too much gas), we tried new swaddle blankets, we tried music on in his room and music off in his room, we tried lights on and lights off, we tried gas medicine, and we even took him to the chiropractor (which that did help and I would highly recommend to anyone to take their babies to the chiropractor just for that initial adjustment).

I would Kyle call by 10:00 a.m. at least every other morning in tears begging him to come home because I just couldn't handle it anymore. Some mornings he would come home and others he wouldn't. I think this is where the depression really started kicking in. My husband stopped supporting me (in my mind) and would only come home if I was in need as he was trying to make money to support us. I had family members who pretty much called me a liar to my face when I would talk about how difficult Aiden was and informed me that Randie had just been too easy and so it was time I got a "normal" baby (mind you that this person's tune changed drastically when they were left home with Aiden for a day and literally about lost their mind....this was after he was 2 months old and I had been asking for help and being told welcome to having a normal baby).

Did I reach out to the people who probably could have helped me...not all of them. Do I still struggle with it today...yes. Aiden turned 2 in October and his screams can still send me into a fit (when they talk about post partum depression involving PTSD I didn't believe it...but if this kid screams for a car ride more than 20 minutes, we have to pull over because I need out of the car). Is he getting better...a little. He still sleeps in our bed most nights and he hardly ever sleeps clear through the night. He still has fits of rage where he will scream for no apparent reason. This past week I have had to resort to walking him in the kitchen and pacing back and forth while he cuddles with a hooded towel of all things. I think most of his issues are fear of abandonment because some nights he just wants to hold my hand.

I still deal with the depression almost on a daily basis although my closest friend will tell me I am pretty good at "hiding" it because most of them have no clue. Has this put strain on my marriage and family life...absolutely. To me Kyle avoided me when I needed him the most not only physically but mentally and emotionally and it has been some huge hurdles to jump over and continue to jump over daily. There are times that I feel like the whole world is out to get me and that no one (including all of our family members) really care about me or my feelings. I make comments all the time about being the invisible person. Their lives are always so much worse off and they don't have time to sit down and truly figure out the severity of my problems.

The most important thing that I have found is to talk about with other moms who are feeling the same way I am/was. I think it's so important to find those people you can truly talk to about your issues and they give no judgment. I have had moms who literally did not have any feelings towards their child when they were first born (obviously they do now but it took a little bit) and I have had friends with mild cases where they say every now and then they cry but for the most part they are good. Doesn't matter the severity of your depression; post partum depression is depression no matter what shape or form it arrives in.

To all of you out there that may or may not be experiencing it, please know that I am always here to listen and talk to. I promise your secrets are safe with me because I think it is so important to find those that you can rely on. I have always told my mommy friends that if they need a break, message me. I know that 5 out of 6 of them won't because I, myself, was one of those that refused to ask for help. Plenty of my close mom friends offered to take my little ones (and some still do offer) but I always say it's ok I can handle it. I am slowly learning that to say it is not ok and I cannot handle it right now does not make a failure of a parent...it's actually showing how good of a parent I am because I know that I need to step out of the situation to be the best I can be.

I hope that if any of you have experienced these things, that all of you are in a good place in your hearts. If you are not, I hope that you know that you are not alone and that you have more people rooting for you then you think. I, myself, still struggle now and then even though it is getting better. I have started talking to some close friends about it and that has seemed to help a lot.

Friends...post partum is a real thing and please know that when those around you do not believe you or support you, that I will. It is not something to be taken lightly and I hope that you all find the resources that you need to help you all! I know this isn't something that will fix itself over night but I will be there to hold anybody's hand while they are dealing with horrible emotions of this depression.

A resolution I can stick too...

I am not a big fan of resolutions. Yep…I have been one that has made those crazy resolutions in my past…go to they gym every day, work hard to get good grades…sure they all sound good new years eve when you are drinking wine and have no worries in the world. Two weeks later I can barely even remember why I thought I would accomplish those things.

2018 led me down a different path. I wanted to make a resolution that I could absolutely stick with. My resolution in 2018 was to do me and not let other people muddle in my relationships with others as well as my life.

It has taken 30 solid years to get to this place in life and looking back I can see why I had the friends that I did. I have always been closer with men than women and I think it’s because there is not a lot of drama to men. They can be mad at each other, punch each other, and move on all in about 20 minutes. Women tend to work a bit differently.

In high school I had 4 girls that I was close to but only one that I shared my deepest secrets with. I still call her when I am having any issues in life because I know she will be honest and trustworthy with me. I have had very close friends in the past who were women and they ended like all the relationships do…over something that probably had nothing to do with anything but we got into a little spat and BAM, no more friendship.

My resolution for the year came from a point where I spent all my time trying to balance my time to make things fair with everyone I knew and not hurt anyone’s feelings. As I have stated in previous blog posts, such is life and feelings will get hurt once in a while. My feelings get hurt once in a while and I normally tell Kyle about it, he listens to me complain for a bit, gives me a hug and tells me it’s all going to be alright and that the friends probably didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. After the dust settles, I can see, that in fact, that was the case. They either felt like I wouldn’t enjoy it or already had plans with others.

I don’t ever want to hurt anyone’s feeling but at the same time I can’t help everyone else without getting my own self ran over. Now…on this same note…my house is always open for absolutely anyone and everyone who may or may not need a helping hand. I will be a shoulder to cry on and I will listen to you all that you want. I will not get in the middle of two people fighting or choose sides when there is a disagreement. I will not call out another friend because someone doesn’t feel they are being fair. Will I sit there and listen and allow you to get all your frustrations out; ABSOLUTELY! But I will not step into the middle of a fight unless I feel so compelled to do so and I truly hope that you wouldn’t do that either!

My family enjoys doing a variety of things from hiking, fishing, camping, to lazy afternoons watching beauty and the beast for the 100^th time. We enjoy doing things with different groups of people and we have a wide variety of a circle of friends who all hold unique aspects to us. I wish that it worked to hang out with all friends at all times but that is life and doesn’t work that way.

So for 2018…I am going to focus on my family and I am going to allow them to experience as many fun things as we can. Sometimes it may include others and sometimes it may not. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be a part of all of your lives or want you to be a part of ours…it just is what it is.

I hope that you all have found resolutions that you can stick to and accomplish. All I ask from all of you is to not put our friendship in the danger zone but asking me to choose sides or to choose friends. As the old saying goes, there is enough love to go around and that there truly is. I will love and support all of you as you all hold a special piece of my heart. I hope me and my family hold a special place in the hearts of all of you as well. Don’t forget…you will always have a friend in me but I will not choose one out of hundreds of you to specifically spend all my time with! Life is too short and graduated from high school a long time ago; now is time to find those deeply connected friendships where everyone understands life and knows that even if I don’t hang out every single time, I still enjoy our time together and want to find a time to hang out.

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

These past few weeks the stresses of this wonderful time of the year have gotten to me. The gift buying, the traveling, the trying to be here for everyone and do everything had me running circles. Of course this caused me stress and who do we take it out on…the ones we love. Kyle and I have been having little “spats” as they call it at least every 4 days and I know that we both said things that we are not proud of. I felt like he hadn’t stepped up or helped me out around the house. I felt like I was doing absolutely everything and he was doing nothing.

Now let’s take a quick pause here and all take a deep look into our lives. I know that all of us (husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, etc) have all felt this way a time or two. That we are the only one that do anything and never gets any thanks. We put away all the laundry, do all the dishes and cooking, pickup when we can, and get no thanks for it. I know that I have felt this way many times before and I would bet to say that so has Kyle. It’s hard not to look around the house and think about all of the things I do or all the times I have to pick up after Kyle when he doesn’t. It’s so easy to get sucked into that “I do everything all the time” thought process. Stress seems to do it to me.

And then BAM!! I get sick…and not just a little cold with a sniffle here and there but a full on sick. ParaInfluenza according to the doctor. And guess what…guess what that selfish man that I mentioned above does…he steps up!! He steps up and helps out. And then reality slaps me right in the face…that selfish man that I thought was putting all of life’s pressures on me and making me run around do everything, was actually doing the opposite. He was silently helping me complete small task. He was doing laundry when he could and he always tried to help when I cooked. He normally does the dishes and that man can clean a toilet better than anyone I know (thank goodness because I hate cleaning toilets). I had spent so much time focusing on all of the stuff that he wasn’t doing instead of focusing on the things that he was doing.

On Christmas Eve Eve 😉 we were spending time with his family to celebrate Christmas. I hadn’t felt good all day but we headed over. I was exhausted and just wanted to go home and cuddle up on the couch. Kyle got down, helped the kids, changed diapers, packed all the bags up and at 10 when I gave him the look like I could possibly be dying, he loaded the kids up and got us home. Told me to go straight to bed while he stayed awake, got things unpacked and put away.

On Christmas Eve, he doted on me all day as I didn’t move from the chair. He loaded the kids up and took them down to my family Christmas by himself. Had them video chat with me so that I could watch them open gifts, and then brought them home that night and put them to bed.

On Christmas morning when the kids woke up he made them breakfast and had them wait to open Santa gifts until I woke up and then helped them get everything ready for them to head down to celebrate.

Can I tell you all something…I changed my first diaper today (Wednesday) since last Friday! Say What?!  Tuesday after going to the doctor and life had semi calmed back down after the holiday high, Kyle came up and asked me how I was doing. And of course I turned into a blubbering mess apologizing for everything and thanking him for everything.

I know this won’t be the last time that I feel that I am the only one doing everything nor will it be the last time Kyle feels like he is doing everything. That is just the circle of marriage. What I will try and do next time is to truly sit down and take a good hard look at what all he does. I encourage all of you to do that with your significant others. From one selfish person to the next, I hope you know that if you have ever had these feelings that you are not alone. For me and my family, I am going to try and start paying attention to all the little things instead off only focusing on the big!!

**Kyle has no idea I am writing about this and doesn’t like to take credit when credit is due. I do have one of the most selfless husbands around and sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up that I forget to tell him how truly wonderful he is!! I am definitely blessed!

Tis the Season of Giving...

Last night while eating Chinese I opened up my fortune cookie (after the kids went to be of course so I didn’t have to share LOL) and it was one that struck me right in the old ticker. It said “One person cannot help everyone; but everyone can help someone”.

 

It was the best fortune I have ever received and such a great timing for the season. This past month I have been able to give to so many thru book drives and donations to the local food bank. This past week I have had two people come up to me and thank me for my giving heart. I thanked them and continued but what I should have told them was to thank my parents. Honestly…I wouldn’t be the giving, caring person I am today if it wasn’t for them teaching me to be that way. You see my dad volunteered on our local fire department and so we did a lot of volunteer projects with them as well as with our church. If there was anything we could volunteer to help with, my parents did it and they took us kids with them. We helped build a garage for our local church, we helped stain cabinets for our local school, we made countless meals for the fireman as well as helped at all their fundraising events.

 

We never felt obligated to do these things, we just did them. My parents wanted to make sure that we knew how blessed we were and that there were some who were less fortunate than us. If someone needed help shingling, we went. If someone needed help getting firewood, we went. These things have been built into me from the day I was born. And for that, I will be forever grateful!!

 

I am so blessed that I am able to give almost 3 giant boxes of books to two little boys who have lost both parents over the course of 3 years. I am so blessed that I get to donate 106 cans of food to our local food bank for those that are in need. I am so blessed that I was able to help organize a fundraiser to raise around $1500 to help a very deserving family go on a family vacation that is once in a lifetime. But the thing that I am most thankful for…is that I have the support from all of my friends and family who help me be able to achieve all of these wonderful ways of giving.

 

This holiday season I reach out to all of you to make a difference, be it big or be it small. We all know someone who could use a pick me up or a family who could use something. Buy that person a hot drink (less than $5) and deliver it with a smile. It may mean the world to them! Buy that family a new board game for them to play or a movie for them to enjoy. Spoil those around you by showing them how amazing it is to give. This morning I told my daughter that I had 3 big boxes of books coming for some very special boys who lost both their parents. Being 4 she doesn’t understand all of it but she looked up to me with her big eyes and said “mama they can have some of my books too because they have nothing and I have a lot”. Not only did my entire heart pour out with pride but I also knew that we are getting something right during this parenting gig!

 

I hope that you all find someone this season to shower with some love and to keep the holiday spirit going. I know I have been down on times where people have given to me and for that I love to pay it forward! Teach our youth of today what it’s like to give and not always receive as they will be grown one day and we will need it as much then as we do now!

Taking that plunge and finding self worth!

What’s the scariest thing you have ever done?! Maybe it’s getting your wisdom teeth pulled…maybe it’s leaving your kids with the grandparents for the weekend…maybe it was choosing to leave home and find yourself after high school. I have done a lot of scary things in my life but when I think about the moment that I truly put myself out there on the edge of the cliff and decided to jump…was the day I chose to do a boudoir photo shoot.

Gasp…I know…me...the little old Nebraska girl who barely drank in high school for fear of getting in trouble and was always the one that would over think every situation because I just knew we would get caught and my life would be over. And can I tell you what…it was the best decision I ever made.

Now, let me tell you this first, boudoir photos seems like such a risqué  thing to do and one that would make all the ladies at church whisper about when I walked in. But, I am here to tell you that it was the best decision I ever made in my life; the scariest yet the best. They weren’t “porno” photos or really dirty photos; they were photos who helped show a hurting woman how perfect she truly was.

Here is a little back story. After having Aiden my body decided to betray me and went down a wacky road. I got extremely depressed and honestly couldn’t stop gaining weight. In fact, by the time he was 6 months, I was back up to the weight I was when I went in to have him. No matter how much I worked out, how little I ate, and how much I tried, my body just wouldn’t cooperate. Throw a screaming baby and juggling a toddler on top of that and my stress and self esteem plummeted. Fast forward to the summer of 2016. I got invited to a Facebook group ran by a gal Kyle went to high school with. She took boudoir photos and lived in Colorado. I joined and didn’t think much of it. She ran a contest for a free photo shoot and sure enough I won. I never win anything and I just kind of played it off as I didn’t think I would ever go do it. My body looked awful in my mind and I couldn’t find the courage to strip my clothes in front of my husband, little lone in front of a stranger.

Kyle told me I should reach out to her and we found a date that worked. Fine…I booked a session. I knew I could find an excuse as it got closer if I truly decided not to go through with it. She told me to go on Pinterest and start a board with photos that I found so she could get a feel for what I liked. As I started looking there were some very beautiful boudoir photos that were just flattering and I started to feel myself ease a bit. I got online, found the outfits that I wanted, and had them ordered and delivered. As the weekend approached Kyle and I packed up, dropped the kids off, and headed for Colorado. I barely slept that night and as nervous as I was at breakfast, we found Mackenzie’s house and we pulled into the drive. There was absolutely no backing up now…I had to go in! We hit the door and my nerves went through the roof. She told Kyle where the nearest sporting goods store was and he was off.

Can I tell you all something…I was a mother of two who had huge body issues and here was this good looking lady who was going to take my photos and make me look gorgeous. I got even more nervous…and then something happened. We went off to do my hair and makeup and find my first outfit and when I walked out in boy shorts and a Husker shirt, she looked at me and said YES! This will be great.

It took almost 4 hours from start to finish to take photos/do hair/makeup and if you think that these photos are just some model laying on a bed, you have another coming. It was hard work and I slept the entire way home from being exhausted! The best part….IT WAS THE MOST INVIGORATING THING I HAVE EVER DONE!! It was so freeing and as a woman who felt like her body had failed her, for once, I could finally see how perfect it honestly was.

It has been a little over a year since I took that plunge off that cliff and I was able to meet up with Mackenzie for breakfast this morning and if I can say one thing…we need more women like her on this Earth. She loves to empower women and to show them their self worth. She loves to help build their confidence and show them that they truly are special. Instead of joining the crowds in tearing each other down, she is one that helps build others up.

She is a person who will always be near and dear to my heart because she helped me overcome issues I had been battling for over a year. I ask this of all of you…the next time you hear a woman (or a man) say that they are doing a boudoir photo shoot don’t sluff it off. Don’t act like you just heard they were starring in a porno or running around in skimpy clothing. That is not what boudoir is at all. It’s about finding those outfits that help your body shine and show every good aspect you have. It’s about a photographer who helps bring all those positive quality to light so that the person can truly see how perfect they are.

These photos helped me realize just how beautiful I am! I have them hanging up in my bedroom for everyone to see because if I can tell you one thing, those photos show that I am a woman and that no matter what I have been through or how I see myself when I look in the mirror, I am just as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside.

I hope one day all of you will get to experience something that touches you so deeply that it changes you; it changes your perspective. I hope that you all get the chance to see just how beautiful you truly are because no matter what life has thrown at you, you are stunning! And if you want to work with the most amazing photographer, let me know so I can get you in touch! It is worth every dime!

**PS I know that this article doesn't even begin to give boudoir the justice that it deserves. Just sharing my experience with it and hope that you all will choose to experience for yourselves. You won't regret it!! 

It's the most wonderful time of the year...or is it?!

Have you ever had one of those days that you just feel off…like the whole day is part of a weird dream or that no matter what someone says or does, it just feels off. That was me today. There was not one thing in particular that made today feel that way, but a multitude of issue that have come up throughout the week. Maybe it happens to most people this time of year with Christmas looming around the corner.

When I was little I remember this being the most magical time of year, and of course a lot of time off from school. I remember hoping that I would get the latest toy and that maybe my grandma’s wouldn’t buy me an ugly sweater (don’t worry, I always got those). Fast forwards 25 years and here I am already exhausted from the holidays that haven’t even hit yet. Christmas isn’t about celebrating a time with our family and friends or even remembering the reason for the season. It’s about trying to divide your time to make everyone help. It’s about bending to make everyone else happy because it’s just easier not to put up a fight. This time of year is filled with trying to find the perfect gifts to make everyone happy and to be honest, it is hard to even find something that anyone would want less than $25. And don’t get me wrong….my household is just as bad. We live in an “if they need it, just get it” era and that leaves little room for our children to “want” for any thing truly. These are no longer the days of getting socks, underwear, that ugly sweater I was telling you about, as well as ONE toy. ONE toy that we enjoyed the entire time and were so thankful to have. Now are the days of children asking why didn’t’ get something just because they “asked” for it.

This year I made a vow to myself and I have semi stuck to it. Our kids just had their birthdays and got plenty of gifts for them. This year, my kids are getting pajamas, new movies, and a new blanket/stuffed animal. A few puzzles in their stocking and they are done. I have vowed to make this holiday season a bit different and spreading cheer and happiness without “spoiling” my children. Mostly because I don’t want them to grow up being so thankless. Not saying that all kids tend to do this but kids these days “expect” to get the biggest and the best instead of being grateful for what they have. Unfortunately, some adults seem to be this way as well. I want my children to be just as grateful as I was when I grew up knowing that yes Santa was going to bring me a great gift but I was also going to get some sweet new clothes as well. That Christmas was a time to get together with family, exchange horribly made Christmas ornaments because we put our hearts and souls into it. Now it’s much easier just to get on Amazon and ship something.

After a day of putting way too many pressures on myself to keep up with Joneses, I sat down and watched as my kids played with the same two baby dolls that they have been for the last 6 months. This year I will be thankful that I have a wonderful husband who may have drug me out at 4:30 yesterday morning to watch deer stay at least 50 yards further than we were able to shoot but then allowed me to sleep in this morning while he fed the kids. I will be thankful that I have two healthy kids who most days make me want to pull my hair out but who I wouldn’t trade for the world. We were once the couple who would have given our life savings to have a baby (and we damn near did) and I will be thankful for them every single day! I will be thankful that we have a nice house, good quality vehicles, and good things that make our house a home. Things that we have worked so very hard for and I wouldn’t want it any other way. This year I vow to show my children the real reason of the season and even though they may not get the latest or the greatest toy, they will get some quality family time and that in the end is all that matters. To all of you wonderful people, don’t put too much pressures on yourself this holiday season and I hope you take the time to enjoy every second! It does go by too fast.