Finding the Silver Lining

I have been very quiet lately and that is because I have been trying to find the right way to write this blog. When I wrote my blog about post partum depression it was very hard and yet easy all at the same time. I showed how vulnerable I truly was and that alone is a very hard thing to do for anyone. The amount of support that poured in absolutely blew me away and I hope that I was able to reach any and all of you who have ever felt alone and know that just because I wrote about it doesn’t mean that I still don’t struggle with it everyday.

 

Along with all the support, came the negative side as well. And while I will dig into that during this blog I want to start at the beginning. The past few years I have become a person that I did not like and I have started to work on myself. As a good friend once told me, I have to make myself happy before my world can be happy. As a psychology major I have told this to countless friends but saying and doing are two different things. It literally knocked the wind right out of me.

 

I have started to slowly make changes to find the happy person that I once was but trust me, it has not always been easy. I have had many hurdles that I have had jump. I have had negative people who I let get into my head that I have had to overcome. I once was told by a close friend that she didn’t like me because everyone likes me. I laughed at the time because it felt like a compliment in a round about way but when I sat down, it hit me harder than I thought.

 

A similar reaction after posting was that if I needed help I should just ask for it. This one also cut me deep. Deep to the fact that even if they saw me drowning, unless I asked for help, they would walk on by. In case anyone is curious, I did ask for help. I asked the one person that I needed the most…my husband. No I didn’t reach out because I didn’t feel comfortable at the time. Yes, most of my family had no idea my struggles were real but at the same time, some did and did nothing about it.

 

One thing that I have learned after 30 years is that I cannot make everyone happy. As they say, you are not everyone’s cup of tea. I have let everyone’s ideas of how I should act mold me into a person that I am not proud of. Listening to everyone analyze your life is hard and trust me, I am just as guilty of that with others. However, I try not to point anything out unless I feel someone is in dangers way.

 

Today, today, I made a promise to myself. I promise that from now on I will only surround myself with those who truly care about my well being. Those who want to be a part of my life, not the ones who just want to keep me around for when they need me. I promise to not take life so seriously and to find the silver lining in everything. I promise to laugh more and cry less (unless I am crying from laughing so hard LOL). I promise to be a better person not just for me but for my little ones. And for anyone who is trying to steal my sunshine for the day, may they get the rain storm while I get the rainbow!