When those "minor issues" become "major issues"

Lately I have been struggling with what would seem like minor life decisions, yet to me they are huge. And why...because I put so much pressure on myself to please everyone and not hurt anyone's feelings. I am sure that at least 90% of you can relate, especially as women. No I am not saying that men don't feel this way but case and point, I talk to Kyle about an issue going on and he says just ignore it until it blows up. As you can tell, he is not losing any sleep over these issues ;)

It's such a tip toe subject when it comes to certain areas and unfortunately that is just the way it is. And I am just as guilty of it. I am so worried about how people will perceive something that I say or do and I do not want to make anyone feel left out or hurt their feelings. I truly believe that most of us feel this way when it comes to relationships with loved ones and friends to even things that we do in our everyday lives.

I am an independent consultant for a book business and the other day I found out that a good friend of mine held a party with a different consultant. At first the sting was a little too much and then I sat myself down in the chair and thought, how pathetic is it that I would let something as little as her supporting another consultant cause hate and discontent in our relationship. Maybe it was something as simple as the other consultant offered her a deal she couldn't pass up, maybe she was trying to help this consultant find her feet in this business (lord knows plenty of you have helped me get a boost and I will be forever grateful for that), or maybe it was simply that the other consultant asked instead of assuming. Did my friend mean to hurt my feelings or "go under me" for anything...ABSOLUTELY NOT! She is just doing the human thing of helping someone out and getting some amazing things in return.

You know how I handled this situation...I did nothing! I didn't message her and ask why she chose to go with someone else. I didn't message our mutual friends and ask if they knew why she chose to not use me.  I didn't make a big deal about it and you know why. Because it's none of my business and our friendship means more to me than that!

I wish more people could be that way instead of taking everything to heart without knowing the whole situation. My sister-in-law owns a local sports bar that serves dinner and drinks. Yet, sometimes we choose to eat at the local BBQ joint. She doesn't throw a fit or a tantrum about it because she understands. It is people like this that I am so lucky to surround myself around.

I always think of business owners (food), photographers, independent consultants (31, KEEP, books, etc). I love and support all of you and will continue to, but that doesn't mean that I won't be supporting others in the same business from time to time. Doesn't mean I don't love you and don't want you to succeed, it just means that I like to try things with different people and support everyone

So please the next time anyone does something that hurts your feelings (including me), please take a moment to step back and look at the whole photo. Reach out and talk to me about it because I would be more than happy to explain why I did what I did. Please do not go around holding grudges or telling people how awful we are. That solves nothing! Please remember that just like me, maybe your market is more competitive than you think it is and even though your friends ventured out to others, they are still going to support your business in other ways. Don't let something as simple as a minor issue blow into a major issue that could not only cost you a client, but an amazing friendship all the same.

**Let it be known that if you choose to buy books from another consultant for whatever reasons...GOOD!! You know what is more important than you just buying books from me...it's getting these good quality book into the hands of your loved ones!! I do ask that you at least share your favorites so that I can get them into the hands of my little loves :)

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When saying "no" just seems right!!

Being a parent is hard...it's so hard! Not only do you have to live up to all of these expectations about cooking, cleaning, having a full time job (or income of some sort--trust me stay at home moms bring in income!!), all while working out at least twice a day, having 3 square meals to put on the table at night and sitting down to read the kids a bed time story. I am exhausted just writing all that out!!

The truth is no one puts more pressures on us than ourselves. Kyle and I recently sat down and he said I think you need to back off and just start telling people no and to also not worry about what everyone thinks. Between my book business, selling the junk in our house, working full time, and trying to meet up with all our friends, I seem to stretch my self pretty thin now a days!! Today I read an amazing post from another blogger who simply said they told someone NO instead of caving and saying yes and they didn't even have any guilt from it. I thought to myself, I would kill for that!!

So tonight, I made myself a promise (and now if someone will hold me accountable!). I am done stretching myself so thin. I am done trying to "please" everyone. Now this doesn't mean that I am going to go crazy and start just flipping everybody the bird. This simply means that the next time someone calls to have lunch and my week has been crazy, I am just going to simply say "now is not a good time". When someone calls because they need a book as soon as possible and I am out to dinner with my family, well then you just might have to wait an hour or two.

I recently gave up a booth because I got to thinking that I am focusing way less on my little ones and family and way more on book business. My book business is thriving but my home life was starting to tumble a bit. There are some weeks that I barely see my kids or husband between get togethers and parties. Do I enjoy these...yes I do. But I also enjoy my family and the little memories we are making!!

To all of my friends out there reading this, please do not be offended if we are unable to get together all the time and please know that as much as your friendship means to me, my family will always come first. And to all you mama's out there...don't spread yourselves so thin. Try your hardest to put you and your family first no matter what. In the end, all we will have are the memories that we have made so I say make them count while you can!!

Weather the Storms of Marriage

Hi all!! It’s been a long time since I last updated this blog but I am going to try and turn that around!! I try to share things on Facebook and I probably still will but some posts are just too long and honestly, some people just don’t want to read them…so here we are!!

The past few months I have had multiple people come up to me and comment on my relationship with Kyle. Sure I love being complimented how we are the perfect couple and as humble as that makes me feel, we are just like any other couple…we have our ups and we have our downs!

We have been through so much; I love Kyle with all my heart but we have definitely had highs and lows. This past year we renewed our vows and that was for a lot of reasons unseen to the public eye. I had a friend who asked how many times I planned to renew my vows and honestly I can’t think of any reason why anyone wouldn’t want to share their love with their special one at all times.

You see, Kyle and I have wavered through marriage the last 7 years and even though at times it was rainbows and unicorns, there is always a storm before the rainbow. At the age of 24, we buried my father. At the age of 25, we miscarried our first baby. At the age of 26, we had our daughter 5 weeks early and had to spend 3 weeks in the NICU and take her home on oxygen. At the age of 28, we had our second baby who was a challenge from before he came into this world. We had to have him via C-Section as he wouldn’t turn and he literally screamed for at least 16-18 hours a day.

You see we have weathered all of these storms together and at times when it feels like the ship is about to sink, a little ray of sunshine peaks its head out and we know that everything is going to be ok. Even though we have chosen to share our vows three times (got married in December 2010 with my family alone so that my dad could be there; he died in March of the following year; April 2011 as that was when our actual wedding had been planned; and this year we renewed our vows in Deadwood). These past few years I have struggled with a lot of emotions from dealing with my father’s death to coping with an unhappy newborn for the last 2 years (he honestly still doesn’t sleep through the night and can survive off a 25 minute nap), to dealing with an unhappy body that can’t seem to find its rhythm 90% of the time.

So to anyone who is wondering, celebrate LOVE every day because honestly, one day it won’t be here any longer. I always can hear my mother’s advice when I call her when Kyle has done something to upset me…”at least you have someone at home to have those little fights with”. No she doesn’t mean that she misses fighting but she misses the ups and downs of marriage with her one true love. Kyle and I have fought hard to keep our marriage together and for that, it is worth celebrating each and every time with our family and friends!

For all of you out there, LOVE like there is no such thing as a broken heart as a great country song says. Celebrate you because trust me, the man I married 7 years ago is not the same man that I have sitting in the chair next to me. That alone is a reason to celebrate because that proves that you are changing as a couple and that is must needed! Go out in life and show everyone your love because that’s what life is about!! As for Kyle and I, there will be more storms to weather but that will give us one more reason to celebrate again after the rainbow has appeared!!