Taking that plunge and finding self worth!

What’s the scariest thing you have ever done?! Maybe it’s getting your wisdom teeth pulled…maybe it’s leaving your kids with the grandparents for the weekend…maybe it was choosing to leave home and find yourself after high school. I have done a lot of scary things in my life but when I think about the moment that I truly put myself out there on the edge of the cliff and decided to jump…was the day I chose to do a boudoir photo shoot.

Gasp…I know…me...the little old Nebraska girl who barely drank in high school for fear of getting in trouble and was always the one that would over think every situation because I just knew we would get caught and my life would be over. And can I tell you what…it was the best decision I ever made.

Now, let me tell you this first, boudoir photos seems like such a risqué  thing to do and one that would make all the ladies at church whisper about when I walked in. But, I am here to tell you that it was the best decision I ever made in my life; the scariest yet the best. They weren’t “porno” photos or really dirty photos; they were photos who helped show a hurting woman how perfect she truly was.

Here is a little back story. After having Aiden my body decided to betray me and went down a wacky road. I got extremely depressed and honestly couldn’t stop gaining weight. In fact, by the time he was 6 months, I was back up to the weight I was when I went in to have him. No matter how much I worked out, how little I ate, and how much I tried, my body just wouldn’t cooperate. Throw a screaming baby and juggling a toddler on top of that and my stress and self esteem plummeted. Fast forward to the summer of 2016. I got invited to a Facebook group ran by a gal Kyle went to high school with. She took boudoir photos and lived in Colorado. I joined and didn’t think much of it. She ran a contest for a free photo shoot and sure enough I won. I never win anything and I just kind of played it off as I didn’t think I would ever go do it. My body looked awful in my mind and I couldn’t find the courage to strip my clothes in front of my husband, little lone in front of a stranger.

Kyle told me I should reach out to her and we found a date that worked. Fine…I booked a session. I knew I could find an excuse as it got closer if I truly decided not to go through with it. She told me to go on Pinterest and start a board with photos that I found so she could get a feel for what I liked. As I started looking there were some very beautiful boudoir photos that were just flattering and I started to feel myself ease a bit. I got online, found the outfits that I wanted, and had them ordered and delivered. As the weekend approached Kyle and I packed up, dropped the kids off, and headed for Colorado. I barely slept that night and as nervous as I was at breakfast, we found Mackenzie’s house and we pulled into the drive. There was absolutely no backing up now…I had to go in! We hit the door and my nerves went through the roof. She told Kyle where the nearest sporting goods store was and he was off.

Can I tell you all something…I was a mother of two who had huge body issues and here was this good looking lady who was going to take my photos and make me look gorgeous. I got even more nervous…and then something happened. We went off to do my hair and makeup and find my first outfit and when I walked out in boy shorts and a Husker shirt, she looked at me and said YES! This will be great.

It took almost 4 hours from start to finish to take photos/do hair/makeup and if you think that these photos are just some model laying on a bed, you have another coming. It was hard work and I slept the entire way home from being exhausted! The best part….IT WAS THE MOST INVIGORATING THING I HAVE EVER DONE!! It was so freeing and as a woman who felt like her body had failed her, for once, I could finally see how perfect it honestly was.

It has been a little over a year since I took that plunge off that cliff and I was able to meet up with Mackenzie for breakfast this morning and if I can say one thing…we need more women like her on this Earth. She loves to empower women and to show them their self worth. She loves to help build their confidence and show them that they truly are special. Instead of joining the crowds in tearing each other down, she is one that helps build others up.

She is a person who will always be near and dear to my heart because she helped me overcome issues I had been battling for over a year. I ask this of all of you…the next time you hear a woman (or a man) say that they are doing a boudoir photo shoot don’t sluff it off. Don’t act like you just heard they were starring in a porno or running around in skimpy clothing. That is not what boudoir is at all. It’s about finding those outfits that help your body shine and show every good aspect you have. It’s about a photographer who helps bring all those positive quality to light so that the person can truly see how perfect they are.

These photos helped me realize just how beautiful I am! I have them hanging up in my bedroom for everyone to see because if I can tell you one thing, those photos show that I am a woman and that no matter what I have been through or how I see myself when I look in the mirror, I am just as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside.

I hope one day all of you will get to experience something that touches you so deeply that it changes you; it changes your perspective. I hope that you all get the chance to see just how beautiful you truly are because no matter what life has thrown at you, you are stunning! And if you want to work with the most amazing photographer, let me know so I can get you in touch! It is worth every dime!

**PS I know that this article doesn't even begin to give boudoir the justice that it deserves. Just sharing my experience with it and hope that you all will choose to experience for yourselves. You won't regret it!!